Taking a Coffee Break

I'm starting to realize that there's a big difference between having some coffee and taking a coffee break. Every morning I stumble to the Keurig, pop in a cup of my choice, tell my kids to just give me a minute to wake up. I get the day started, make more coffee and power through. By the end of the day I know I've had my fair share of caffeine but I never actually remember taking a break, getting that moment to take it all in. It's so important to take an actual coffee break. Tea, diet coke, water- whatever you enjoy, break. I'm learning to make time for that again, and it's harder than I thought.

I wasn't prepared for this...

When I decided a few years ago to become a stay at home I knew it would present some challenges. At that time my friends didn't have kids yet so I was going to be the first to experience this wonderful stage of parenthood. I basically took one for the team, and volunteered happily. I remember being excited and full of ideas on how to be awesome at my new role.My kids were all in school, we had three at the time. Most of my days were filled with preparing for the evening alone, coffee dates with my best friend, going to the gym. I also had time to do things like my hair, shut the bathroom door, drink hot coffee... simple things really. As we planned to grow our family I was so overjoyed to get this second chance and not miss out on the things I missed with the older ones. Plus, babies. I LOVE babies!

Here we are with five kids now, teens to infants. I still love being home and raising my family. I started this blog and took on other hobbies for some "me" time. Some days though, it's hard. Like really hard, I'm not gonna lie. I love to read the fun blog posts, and some are more serious, about "things nobody told me about being a SAHM." Most of the time I can relate (and laugh along) to every single thing on the list. Lately I've been under some different stress so I'm bit emotional and take them to heart. I feel the frustration in these bloggers posts, I'm right there saying, "yes, yes mama! same here!" as I sip my wine. There are so many things nobody said to me, maybe because I was the first of my group to take the leap. I'm not saying that all of the things I've learned along the way are bad and stressful. I have gained so much from watching my family grow and not missing a beat. Here's the thing, I never miss a beat. I'm here for everything, as in I'm always here. For every tantrum, fit, diaper, earache, missing assignment, sleepless night, all the teething, he said/she said, unattended marker on the table... You see where I'm going with this? There are days when I want to jump in my car when I see my husband turn the corner. Except I don't for two reasons, I've missed him all day and I'm still in my pj's from the night before most days. My husband encourages me to take time for myself and get out to enjoy a quiet car ride or coffee with friends. I take him up on that every once in a while, but I also have a hard time leaving knowing that I'm needed by my teething baby at home.

Also, I was never told that I would grow to be so frustrated with the things I actually enjoy the most. I also never knew that was possible. I love being a stay at home mom more than anything I've ever done in my life. I also get so overwhelmed and frustrated with the thought of doing the same thing all over again tomorrow. Just when I get to my breaking point and feel like I wasn't cut out for this and that my fuse is too short for no real reason somebody does something that melts my heart. Something that reminds me why this was a life goal for me, to raise a big family. I know I'm lucky to be home, so don't take this post as complaining. Like most parents, I just need a moment to catch my breath and regroup.

I am never in a room alone for more than a few minutes. My toddler is a mama's boy and follows me all day. He also won't leave my bed. I want to sleep without a baby hanging off my neck. One day I know he will be in his bed... and not next to me. I won't hear "I'm your baby" in my ear every single night as he drifts off. My youngest is very much attached to me too. I know it changes eventually and I know I will miss these moments. Even if it feels like the weight of five kids is literally on my lap. Ok, maybe just two kids actually on me... I missed out on being home 24/7 before, so even having older kids before these babies I didn't realize this was something all stay at home parents go through. It's like a roller coaster of emotion coming from them, and myself.

Of all the things I am always here to deal with alone, like arguing teens, missed naps, meltdowns over a specific missing lego, I know there are so many more things I wouldn't miss for the world. The little voice yelling "mama" into the monitor, the excitement of my toddlers face when he finds a frog, watching them finally master something new, first steps, rocking a sleeping baby, hearing I love you all day, my teens trusting that I'll always be here to listen... mostly, just being here with them always.



One day it will be my husband and I looking back at all of this (over cocktails on a beach), knowing we accomplished so much in such a short time. These kids are growing up fast, I wouldn't want to miss it. I just wish somebody would've told me to brace myself for this crazy life. Not that a warning would've even helped me to understand what I was in for. I am still learning to embrace the chaos and soak up the little moments along the way. The peaceful breaks in our day where I can watch my kids enjoy our home and life together, (with hot coffee) remind me why I love being home with my family.

Balancing My Time

Since the kids have been home for summer break I'm finding it hard to balance my time. I had a nice routine down that allowed me some time to work on my stuff like the blog, my Jamberry business and a few other things I like to enjoy for myself. I'm trying to entertain the kids and make sure their day is filled with different activities. I also need to keep things on a schedule, flexible but still the basic routine to make sure we get dinner and baths on time. Somewhere along the way I forgot that I could use a minute of downtime to focus on me. I'm not talking a spa day, just maybe 15 minutes on the computer, finishing my coffee or a minute for my nails.

I need to figure out a way to make sure everyone feels like they are getting to make the most of summer. We recently found a beach that is just a four minute drive from our house! We are all excited to try it and spend the day enjoying the water and sand. We also like to cook on the grill and eat on the deck together, it's how we spend most summer evenings. Finding things to keep everyone busy is not an issue, it's finding things that they can do while I get some work done that seems to be a challenge. Finding things that don't end in "I'm bored" after ten minutes is also a plus! Obviously with five kids having such different personalities, from teens to infants it's going to be hard to keep everyone occupied and happy at one time. Which is why I am laying some ground rules for the summer.

We all need the same things in our day to help us feel our best- physical activity, mental activity, independent play/work time and to do something we can all enjoy together! I have to get a better handle on how all of that happens in a day. If I don't we are in for a long summer of bickering kids and a crabby, exhausted mom! I already put together a list of things I'd like to do this summer in our area, you can see it here. I have mentally added more ideas this past week too. What the kids don't know is that their days will change soon, they'll thank me later. Right?

At the end of the year teachers send home final reports and it usually includes some things they need to work on over the summer. While I'm working on the computer a few times a week they will be working on those things for next year. Twenty minutes surely won't ruin their summer vacation, although they might act like it. The baby will nap at this time and my toddler will have time for a game on his ipad. Everybody will win! After that torture they will be ready for what comes next I'm sure- fresh air!

One of the things I need to make time for is going for a walk or jog. I would put the babies in the double stroller and walk around the lake every morning. With everyone home I haven't done that. The older kids are perfectly capable of joining me, but it's an argument believe or not. Thomas needs to be pushed in his wheelchair and they want their bikes. That doesn't work and I don't feel like hearing them bicker so we stay home. I decided today that I'm going to just make them suck it up, and I'll deal with the dirty looks. We could all benefit from the walking and they can take their bikes on the days that Thomas will have class. Once they get out in the fresh air they will be fine, we used to walk all the time in the evening. My husband works late now so we fell out of our routine for a while.

Once a week we will fit in something like the beach, zoo or something else on that list I made. It's important to me to have time to go out and enjoy a family day. When my husband is home on the weekends we like him to get in on the fun so we try to plan some day trips around town or cook a meal together. Finding balance in a big family is hard sometimes, but so important. Even though we like to enjoy each other's company it's necessary to fit in our "me time" throughout the week.

Everybody needs some downtime to do something alone, it's refreshing. Right now is proof that a little quiet time goes a long way. I have a baby napping while the other kids watch a show and color in the play room and I'm actually working on some blog posts! It will be lunchtime before I know it and kids will be yelling about being bored. Time to put our new summer plan into action and get them moving before they start arguing again.

Where does the time go?

This weekend we celebrated our youngest son's birthday, Myles. He turned 3 and as it turns out that's a pretty big deal! He woke us up telling us it was his day and we needed to go look at toys and play with his friends. So after a quick trip to the store we came home and waited for his pals. This was the first time he had both of his little buddies over at the same time and he handled it pretty well!

It's funny how little things make us emotional about our kids growing up. I started thinking about all the things I have to do this week, and honestly dreading a lot of it. That's when it hit me...big things are happening! It's not about the fact that I feel like I'm running wild trying to get to everything on time, fitting in haircuts, manicures, pedicures and pictures for the kids. I'm doing all of these things to prepare them for the exciting, sometimes stressful things they are about to face. So while I'm losing any last bit of free time the school day gives me, I'm going to try and appreciate the moments I will never get back.

Let's start with my oldest, Thomas. His big moment this week is when he's leaving the school district that he's been in since preschool. He attends a school program for kids with special needs and they are making changes that just won't accommodate his needs in the next year so it makes sense to move him to our home district now. I need to go see his new room in this giant school and prepare for the anxiety that will come with this transition. The question is, who will handle it best? Probably Thomas, He's better at handling change than I am! I have been with this young man through quite a few big changes so I know we can manage this too! He's very opinionated and determined when he wants to let you know something. His smile is pretty contagious too and I'm sure his new teachers will have fun with him!

Next up, is probably the hardest for me to handle. My oldest daughter is heading to high school next year! Ciera is technically my first born, we are a blended family so Thomas became my oldest child when I married Kevin. When I had this little girl almost 14 years ago I knew this day would come, just not this fast. She's such an amazing young lady, and a big help here at home. I am proud of how caring, smart and wonderful she is, I'd like to think I helped her with that! I feel like yesterday we were taking kindergarten pictures with her hair in pig tails. Now she's asking me which lipstick to wear to her dance tomorrow! So when I wake up extra early to do her hair and help with her make up, I will fight the mushy tears and enjoy the butterflies in her stomach with her.

Logan is also having his own moment this week, tonight actually. He's preparing for a celebration and performance later to mark the last year of elementary school. I need to get his hair cut and pick some clothes. He actually asked for help! Logan only likes to wear athletic style clothes, which makes sense because he's always been on the active side...hyper, active side! This is the child that will always challenge my patience with doing things his way, on his own time. I really need him to work on time management! I also look forward to watching him grow into a young man that learns how to making Logan's way work for him. He's full of random facts and energy, and tonight I get to see a side of him that he doesn't always show. I am pretty happy to see him shine on stage, I think he will be proud of himself too!

The fact that Myles is already 3 is crazy to me. I remember planning life to include this new baby. Kevin and I were so excited, the kids couldn't wait to meet this little man. Myles just fit right in, it felt like he was always meant to be in our family. He really brought our blended family together in a whole new way. This boy is full of energy, his own opinions and so much love. He's a little bit of all of us in one little blonde haired, blue eyed, curious toddler. I love watching him grow and learn. With Myles I started my stay at home journey and I've enjoyed every minute. Even those moments that make you wish it was bedtime when it's barely lunch! I can't wait to see who he is as he gets older, I just wish it wasn't happening over night!

Last but not least, we have Ava. She brings me so much peace in my life, and in this house. She just turned 7 months old and is having some big moments too! Her first tooth popped up, she's on the move in her own way and almost ready to crawl. Ava loves to try new foods that I make her and her lovable personality is already showing. She's a mama's girl too, so I can't complain about the cuddles I get! I never thought I'd be talking about baby #5 after swearing I was done after Logan (kid #3). Here I am though, another sweet baby. Ava is even named after me, Nicole is her middle name. It was Kevin's request, he thought it was important that she be named after the most important woman in her life- his words exactly. My Dad got a bit choked up when I told him her name and the reason for it, he loved how much I am loved. She is actually pretty much a mini-me, so it worked nicely!

I really wanted to share these big moments with you. I know other parents are experiencing some pretty exciting times and wondering why it goes by so fast. Take a moment to look around, I know I will do a lot of that this week. I am sad about my babies growing up so soon, but I'm pretty excited about the people they are becoming. I get to be a part of these moments with my husband and prepare for the day when I get to experience my kids wondering the same thing. Where does the time go?

Be sure to follow me on Instagram to see the pictures of these, and more big moments!

What's a weekend for?

It's funny how weekends change as you get older or your life moves in a new direction. Kevin and I often make jokes about the before and after of our weekends, and honestly a lot of week nights too. It seems like life changed over night! Where did the time go? Are we spending the weekends the right way?

A good cup of coffee is obviously the right way to start a weekend morning, but what about the rest of your free time? A weekend should packed full of all the things you enjoy doing before heading back to work. I thought I knew how I liked to spend a day off...

I am not sure how I managed to get through a Monday at work on so little sleep so many years ago! We loved meeting for a drink and dancing the night away every weekend! For me, I loved getting dressed up and doing a full face of make up. It was exciting when you first start dating someone to plan out your Saturday night. I knew that he was a guy the guy that I could spend my life with right away. I'm pretty sure he felt the same way about me. What I don't think we fully understood was how much different our weekends would look once we started this life. We still tried to keep up on date night fun, but it was getting harder. Once you start a new chapter in your life a lot things you thought would remain the same suddenly take a back seat.

We obviously still look forward to the weekends, but for different reasons. Our idea of fun is surprising the kids with a night out or a shopping trip to Costco. When we are feeling really wild we make use of that unexpected Kohl's coupon, you don't just waste 30% off when everybody needs new socks! Don't get me wrong, we still love to get dressed up and go out for date night. I have traded my heels in for ultra comfy slip on shoes from Payless, and I'm not even sorry. I still put on lipstick, it's called balance. It's just that date night feels different now, in a good way. A night out feels earned, it's appreciated much more these days. I feel like I've actually worked for that glass or 2 of wine, I deserve to eat my meal without sharing and while it's still hot.

Weekend days are no longer spent recovering from staying up too late and having drinks with friends. Weekends are now for recovering from a long week of being responsible, which is exhausting on a whole new level. We spend our Saturdays and Sundays running errands, catching up on house and yard work. We have gotten pretty good at grocery shopping with all 5 kids, we even manage to stay on budget (sometimes). I'm not complaining though. It was a lot fun being younger, dating Kevin and going out on the town. Our life is even more exciting now... I'm serious! There's something to be said about raising a family with the person you love. Especially after knowing what it's like to be a single Mom. I appreciate my husband and my life more than I could've ever imagined. I actually find it pretty refreshing knowing that my life is predictable, I'm not big on change anyway.

So, I guess what I'm saying is that weekends are for enjoying whatever stage of life you are in. As much as fun as it was to live in the moment all those weekends ago, I'm happy those days are gone. I do joke quite often about reliving the fun times, but I definitely wouldn't go back. I am thankful and excited that I get to be in this new stage, making memories with my family. I will look forward to date nights with my husband, joking about how we've changed as we pass out by 10 pm. One day our kids will be off spending Saturday night their way too, and we will start a new stage of weekends again.

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