I became a parent at a young age, twenty years old. I was given this amazing little girl to raise and protect, at a young age I think I did a pretty good job. She has been through it all with me, we joke that she's my practice kid. My daughter has always been understanding, caring and quite mature in most areas of life. The thing is, she's almost fourteen now. You know what that means for me as her Mom? I'm wrong. About what you ask... Well, everything! The day you get 'teen' behind your age is like the day you get your PHD. It's true. Don't get me wrong, she's still amazing. Ciera is a very caring, loving, helpful young lady. She gets good grades, jumps right in to help while my husband is at work. So why am I terrified of having a teenager in high school? To start, because it makes me sound older than I'm ready to act. Not that long ago I was a care free high school student, or at least it feels that way.
We have been getting a lot of advice on how to handle some things. My siblings all have kids that are young adults or a bit older than mine so they have experience here, I welcome their stories. I also like to ask for advice so we can see that there are many ways to get through these years. The criticism on our decisions can be a bit hard to handle, but it does open the door for some conversation with my husband and I. I'm not gonna lie, sometimes it's helped us changed our mind, in some cases it just confirms what we decided though. Either way, I'm (mostly) happy that we have so many people weighing in when they see us struggling with this teen stuff.
The most recent struggle is how to handle this boy crazy phase. She's not as into it as some others girls I see or remember from my years as a teen, or shes's just that good at hiding it. I know it's an issue I'm not ready for though, she has a crush. She is also a crush to someone, I won't embarrass her any further by naming him. Besides, I've already shared his picture and story with my family and friends and I think that's good for now. The subject of dating is now frequent at family gatherings. Exchanging phone numbers comes up often too. We are asked why we won't let her, or when we will. My husband and I decided that we are not ready for this, because we feel she's not ready for the responsibility that comes with it. I know, I know. We've already heard it from most of our consulting team. Let me explain...
These days we have so many challenges for our teens and it's hard to keep track. Kids are so trusting, they send and share pictures, numbers and secrets. I don't think, actually I know that she is not ready for the maturity it takes to stand up for herself or to risk popularity when she is faced with making decisions on what is ok to share. She's a very modest girl, but very trusting. My daughter is just getting started, there's so many fun things ahead for her. Dating and phone calls from a crush will be on the agenda soon enough. I can't stop it from happening, but I can put it off until I know we are all ready. So many of our family members disagree and think that we should let her "be a young lady" and experience life. I can promise you, and them that is exactly what we are doing. She's still experiencing the things she is ready for, she still has fun playing with her siblings, having a family day, wearing make up, giggling with friends, noticing boys... We are crossing over into being a young lady at a pace we are comfortable with. Even though she thinks we are wrong most days and would jump at the chance of exchanging numbers with a crush, she understands. As scared as I am to admit that my baby is growing up and will start this next phase of her life, I know I'm lucky to have such a great practice kid to work with!
She will be fourteen in just a few weeks. As I shop and plan for her I know that she will ask for things that I question, like social media. We just have to get used to this and do our best to make the right decisions. I know I can't keep her from growing up and making her own choices, but for now I can pretend that she will always be a little girl who needs us!
I'm sure we all have these worries as a parent! I'd love to hear how you handle them, besides drinking wine while crying to your spouse!
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